INSPIRED

thats right =]
sorry about the long break
i've been soooooooooo busy with stuff. via school, trying to find work, birthday, etc.
i went on a photography trip this weekend
didn't get to see my boyfriend ]= so i have to wait another week ]=
running low on cigaretts, but it's okay =]
i also got my senior pictures done =D
wanna see em?? here ya go

i'm so excited
i love him lol
we're going to be lame and chill at his dorm and play chess
maybe lay in bed for a little
maybe hang with the roomates
who knows
meeting him at ninemile at 4:30 =D
i can't wait.


ps
ITS MY BIRTHDAY IN FOUR FREAKIN' DAYS!!!!!!!!!
i'm so excited
oh and senior pictures in 5 days

i'm so done with everything
i'm so done with life to be honest (no not going to kill myself lol)
but honestly
today, i had one of those moments, where you're so depressed and upset with society that you just laugh.
all's i could do was laugh. i wanted to cry, but idk i thought maybe if i kept laughing, i could get an answer to why this place sucks.
i keep re-realizing how ridiculous this place really is. I want to leave.
i want to sleep, and stay asleep.

i got an F on a paper today
because i used a fucking semi colon! she's like "you can't use colons to list things or you get an automatic zero"
and i'm like
"you fucking cunt (and i rarely use that word) i wasn't listing shit!! i was using it in a gramar and literary sense! have you never seen a fucking semi colon?!?!? ever?? go back to fucking english class dumbass. "

first grade of the year is an F. wow! fucking wow!
that just threw me over the edge today. like lately i've been thinking this, but i almost forget sometimes that the world is so ignorant. and its always a shock to me when i rediscover how suckish everyone is.

like honestly?? i hate psychology. how can you be so smart, yet so ignorant at the same time? honestly.  you really think you can put a scientific equation on people? you really think you can sit here and tell people whats wrong with them just by a little bit of information?? seriously? maybe if you sat down and fuckin' listened to them talk, they could justify why they feel or act the way they do. everything is a fucking generalization with psychology; fucking catigories. i can't live that way. i can't live believing that there is no free will and that the mind only goes so deep. who are you to say that there is something wrong with me? theres something wrong with you. fuck you, you don't know me. can you honestly believe that there is nothing deeper in the mind other than science, really? can you honestly believe that we are our best in our human form? how can you think so lightly of this, when the answers have been in front of you all along?

this shit makes me depressed.

my birthday is officially in 9 days!!!!
happy super sweet 17 to me!!!!!
not really acutally
i'm not having a party or anything
i really don't care lol
but i am happy to be a little older
i guess it doesn't matter though
i'm still treated like i'm 7 lol

my life is literally becoming more and more separated from everything else.
school sucks dick, I got rid of about 90% of my friends (they sucked anyways), I am becoming more and more disconnected with everyone around me.
I literally don't talk, I sit and think about dreaming. I think about being somewhere else, being inside my own head.

today when i was getting on the bus
i was listening to a song
and exactly when he said "motivate" someone standing by me said "motivate"
it was exactly in sync
i thought it was pretty amazing
but what do i know?

i already knew I was going to have a bad day, so this morning i planned in advance
i wrote "stay positive" on my hand
i have so many reasons to be happy
why am i not happy?